For The Lasting Love Of A Woman Who Happens To Be Your Bride

It was about this time last year that CD and I shared with you a potential opportunity to spread your wings in Big Sky country and fly. You willingly took it and ran with it, discovering a niche you were passionate about, excelling, far and above everyone's expectations. You even met an amazing girl along the way. Kudos.

And just like that you were gone from my life. Days turned to weeks, then weeks turned to months. The silence between us, to be honest, has been deafening. Then late Friday night the phone rang with monumental news of you. Seems there was a picture on Facebook of a glowing, beautiful bride standing next to a very handsome young man. Not surprisingly, it was you. Kudos.

I don't know where you are right now. Heck, I don't even know her name. What I do know is you've captured her heart and by the glow on your face, she's surely captured yours. Kudos.
As my wedding gift to you, I'd like to share a few select words of wisdom I've acquired through a litany of broken hearts, broken dreams and broken lives. Heartfelt words of advice, not from a wise old sage, but from your dad who has loved and lost far too many times. Sadly, your mother, my ex, will surely attest to that.
--- With all the strength that you can muster daily, develop a friendship with your beautiful bride worthy of a lifetime. Start with common interests, then her's and lastly, yours. Early morning two-mile walks, before life's reality slaps you squarely in the face, are an awesome way to start each day. Besides, they cost you nothing, yet they reap substantial rewards in longevity. Sharing a sun rise on a cool morning during a brisk walk, not only keeps you healthy, it welcomes each day afresh and anew, together.

Learn to cook her favorite meals so that you can occasionally surprise her after a long day at work. And by all means, learn to clean up your marvelous mess (I know you) before she sits down to dinner with you. Trust me, it's hard to digest a meal knowing the chaos that awaits in the kitchen afterwards.

If you can't find the time to clean on your own (she would be speechless if you could), master the art of housework, together. Pick a day, any day and divide the tasks equally. It will get done in half the time and you'll both be cognizant of the mess of your making. Of course, you could clean as you go, but who has time when you're madly in love? Wink.

Text her occasionally throughout the day with silly emojis, or possibly one or two distinct words of your making, that convey the random stirrings of your captured heart. She'll appreciate your thinking of her and reciprocate accordingly. "Let the games begin!"

Next, I'd encourage you to never let an entire day pass without telling her you love her in some form or fashion. Words are great, but actions are better. You're building an investment of a lifetime here, son. Love notes under pillows or in her car go a long way in saying she's forever in your heart and on your mind.

Flowers once a month, better still once a week, if you can afford it, sent to her place of work, tells her, along with a host of others, how special she is and how lucky you are. A small mixed bouquet with a personalized note will set you back 30 bucks, give or take. Don't sweat it. It's an investment well worth it in the long run.

Master the art of listening, really listening. If she ever says "she's fine," trust me, she's not. Somewhere over the course of an hour, maybe two, the walls will begin to crumble and she will open up to you if you'll just listen quietly, attentively and patiently.

Be proactive and service her car monthly. Don't wait till the service light comes on. Check her tires, as well as her oil. Oh, and while you're at it, service yours. Wash her car at least bi-weekly. That includes vacuuming, too. Treat her like the princess I know she is and I'll bet she will treat you like the prince I know you are. Trust me, it's fun being the prince. Oh la la.

At least once a week from now until the end of time, religiously create date night. Dress up by all means and spend the evening sharing your hopes, your dreams, your desires, your life, your love, phone-less. It doesn't have to be expensive, it just has to be one on one, aka memorable.

Now that date night is on the books, once a quarter, though once a month is better if you can, go away together. Share the highs and lows you've experienced of late and create a game plan for refreshing and renewing your mesmerizing relationship. Iron out any issues that may have come up, then bond, by making out in candlelight with wanton abandon.

Always communicate openly; her wants, her needs being met by you are paramount to insure your wants, your needs are met, too. Although, marriage is ideally a two-way street, sometimes she will go one way. Sometimes, so will you. Best you learn patience in those moments, because you'll need it to get you through those tumultuous times. Remember, marriage is a journey, most certainly, it's a breathtaking, captivating ride. Embrace it, breathe it, cherish it, together.

Give her space. You need yours too. Being apart occasionally, makes being together much more meaningful when you reconnect. The old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder rings absolutely true when you're in love.

Memorize this next one, it's invaluable. Never go to bed angry and I mean, never. Even if takes all night, work through it. There is valor in saying, "I'm sorry and mean it." No matter what the world may say, chivalry is not dead. Forgiveness and understanding ultimately begins or ends with you.

Forever, and always, open doors for her. It is a sign of your utmost respect for her and conveys silently the grace and charm of the southern gentlemen I know you are, that you were raised to be.
Relationships ebb and flow so make time to play together, laugh together, have fun together. Be silly, play games, play to win, but occasionally play to lose. (Trust me on the last one) Remember, she's your best friend. That's what friends do.

Uh hmm. Always keep the bathroom door closed. You know what I mean, nuff said. There are some things, even in marriage, best left to the imagination.
By all means, do your best to live debt-free. This will require the both of you to be on the same page.

Always, and I mean always pay cash for your wants. You'll find in life more times than not, the best memories you create are free. In that, you'll both find perpetual contentment. The stress of unnecessary debt is trouble you don't need when you're building a solid foundation, together.

Most certainly, get along with her parents, as well as the rest of her family. You may not always agree with them, but you can honor and respect them for who they are, her mom and dad and siblings. They've entrusted you to care for her, to love and cherish her. You have the genes to do that. I'm confident you'll do your part.

Lastly, remember the eternal source of your strength. May He who made you, guide you by day and protect you by night. Grounded firmly in this truth will carry you far beyond anything you can hope or imagine; and lay the necessary foundation to someday, if you so choose, raise up a happy family.
--- If you'd like to add additional words of wisdom that has made your marriage or relationship strong, I'd like to hear from you. Please leave your comments here or e-mail me.

Why Do Good Men Break Bad?

I sat in on a writer's group last night in Brentwood, Tennessee and was delighted to make the acquaintance of one wiry 83-year-old, retired educator who had a treasure of stories to share. One in particular caught my eye, so much so, that after receiving his permission, I'd like to share it with you.

In the late fifties, Paul was teaching at a high school in Madison, Tennessee and since every school has at least one bully, Madison was no exception. As a matter of fact, this bully, whom we'll call Billy was renown across campus as an individual who always had money, especially since it was extorted daily from others too scared to say no, fearful of a knuckle sandwich or worse.

One of Paul's duties as a teacher, was to patrol the hallways during lunch period. On one particular day, he witnessed Billy threatening a much smaller boy, whom we'll call Jim outside the lunchroom. Recognizing Jim from his homeroom class, Paul knew he was quiet, didn't interact much with others and was basically invisible. Except today he wasn't, drawing the ire of Billy and from the looks of things, his wrath.

Billy raised his fist and charged Jim, full tilt. Suddenly, Paul saw the flash of a steel blade appear in the hand of Jim, and time, as he knew it, stood still. One of the principles of disciplining students in a fight is to go to the first student you know best. Being young and inexperienced in such matters, Paul immediately rushed toward Jim with his hand extended. "Give me the switchblade, Jim," demanded Paul, "no one will be hurt today on my watch." Jim eyed Paul for a few moments, allowing his anger to subside, before finally surrendering the knife. Paul closed the switchblade, dropped it in his pocket and led Jim by the arm to the principal's office, leaving Billy standing alone, speechless.

The principal was away for the day, so Paul used his office anyway. The penalty for threatening another student or teacher with a weapon was automatic expulsion, not only from the school, but the entire school system. Paul was in a quandary. Jim, as far as Paul knew, was an excellent student. His record in deportment was spotless. His dad was a local minister, his mom, an elementary school principal.

When Paul began to address the seriousness of the situation, Jim broke down, releasing weeks of pent up frustration and cried tears of extreme remorse. Paul talked about his options. Then Jim talked and Paul listened. Seems Billy had been threatening Jim for several weeks and had him at the breaking point. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he couldn't study. Today, Jim decided, in order for him to survive another day, he had to stand up to Billy and fight.

After what seemed like the longest thirty minutes of Paul's life, he reached into his pocket, flipped open the knife, broke the blade off between the top drawer and the desk and tossed it in the trash. Then Paul told Jim to return to class. He even provided him a late slip.

The next day, Billy approached Paul in the hall. He asked, "Why is Jim still in school? He pulled a knife on me and should have been expelled." Paul looked Billy straight in the eyes and said, "What knife?"

A decade or so later, with Paul still teaching at Madison, in the middle of a History exam, he happened to look out his classroom window to see a soldier in full dress uniform, exiting a cab at the front entrance of the school. Thinking more nothing of it, Paul returned to his desk, only to be interrupted by a determined knock on his classroom door.

Opening the door, before Paul stood a highly decorated Green Beret. It was Jim. He grasped Paul's hand and spoke softly. "I am going back to Vietnam tomorrow, sir. I could not leave again before thanking you for what you did for me by making it possible to finish high school. I hope I have and will continue to make you proud." Then Jim stood at attention, saluted Paul and walked away. Paul never saw on heard from the Green Beret again.

It's possible Jim never made home. What I do know is, Paul offered a good man a second chance and he took it. Which leads me to the question, why do good men break bad? And if they break bad, should we do all we can to assist in the healing? Sure we have rules, sure we have standards. It's just sometimes we have to take a chance and forgive and forget.

In an age of zero tolerance and immediate rush to judgment, we find ourselves outcasts, permanently broken, more times than not, longing for some semblance of redemption. Do we deserve it, who can say? But, using Paul's story as an example, if we talk less and listen more, we might be able to understand with clarity, why we happened to break bad. Good men fail. Good women fail. Good children fail. Failure is no respecter of person's. And sadly, if we haven't failed at some point in our lives, that means we haven't lived life to its fullest.

Everyone and I mean everyone, including fathers, mothers, children and friends, deserves a second chance. Some even three or more. Because, unless we've walked in the shoes of those who failed, we'll never understand what brought about their tipping point. Billy found Jim's through constant intimidation and threats. I found mine through endless years of rejection. What's yours?

Our latest novel in the Ride Series, Ride To Retribution, is scheduled for release this fall. Join me in my quest to purchase 100,000 meals through Second Harvest. $1.00 of every e-book sale is donated to provide three meals for those needing a little extra help. To date, we've passed the 55K mark, all thanks to you, our readers.