Dear America, Join me in writing a letter from the heart

Dear America, Join me in Paying it Forward By Handwriting A Letter or Two from the Heart.

I had a most humbling conversation yesterday with a vivacious, seventeen year old young lady named Victoria. In discussions of homework, careers and her future opportunities, we somehow managed to cross into an abyss of sorts and completely unknown to her, letters. It seems that over the past seventeen years of her relatively young life, she has never sent or received a handwritten letter. Have we advanced that far or better yet, declined that far to the point that the handwritten word is no longer relevant?

Does our world consist solely of emails, texts and tweets? In an age where instant gratification takes center stage, are we robbing this generation and those to come, the art of the written word, as expressed and delivered from the heart? I’m talking about letters to friends and family and possibly someone you’ve never met, but can empathize with; not just love letters. I’m talking about writing in big bold printed letters or in cursive ”God forbid” and sharing words of encouragement, gratitude or just catching up.

How many of our children have held a hand written letter in their hands and read it over and over again? How many have stored them away and pulled them out when they’re having a really tough day? How many handwritten letters have we received from our children and how many have we kept? I dare say those of us fortunate enough to have received handwritten letters from our children, have kept them all. Why, because it’s personal, it’s an extension of oneself as expressed in words.

My mother was an artist in many things, from sketches to cooking to the art of letter writing. Through the years she earned a Master’s in heartfelt communication and eventually a PHD in feel good economics, all through her letters. She had the capacity to make hearts aglow with warmth and love through the handwritten word, throughout her eighty four years. I recently found a poem written to my nephew on his birthday, not long after my dad, but more importantly, his granddad, passed away. She wanted my nephew to know how special he was and through the eyes of my dad, how proud he would always be of him.  Along with the poem was a brilliant red cardinal, sketched in pen and ink. What a present, what a memory still after eighteen years have passed. Needless to say, how many of us would still have an email or text of that special day after all this time?

Don’t you think it’s time we delve into the hearts and minds of those we hold most precious in our eyes and send them a handwritten note from our heart, encouraging them to reply in like kind to others in their circle; paying it forward if you will,  handwritten words filled with sincerity and flowing from the heart. How best to teach children to communicate effectively, to feel loved immeasurably, to give unselfishly and to share some of the daily aspects of their lives. Not only children, but others in our own circles we hold most dear, but it must begin with us.

Let’s not forget your sweetheart. I dare not exclude those whose presence makes our hearts aflutter. Find a compliment, write it down then find another: write squiggly things like hearts and arrows and tell them you love them in a truly special way. Now put it in an envelope and mail it. Yes mail it with a stamp. I would suggest you leave off the return address or not. Guess that’s up to you.

Join me in pledging over the next few weeks to handwrite a letter or two, to friends or family, to whomever, that could use our heartfelt words for encouragement, laughter, warmth or even a brief smile. Then write me and tell me how it felt to write again, to share again, to feel the warmth of the written word in your hands again. Thank you for joining me in this endeavor. I’ll gladly share the comments with you later this month. Feel empowered; be empowered, because we’re all swimming up this stream together.

You Can get Through Anything, as Long as You know Who is in Charge

These words of prophetic wisdom were delivered, last week, to me at the very height of my own crisis, from a very close friend and mentor, a spiritual warrior, who, as of late, has endured many valleys of his own, yet still continues on his daily trek toward that not-so-distant, insurmountable summit. Diabetes, a leg amputation and now dialysis may have set him back a day or two on his marvelous journey through this life, but still he presses onward and upward, each and every day, with a song in his heart and a smile on his face. Oh, if we all could catch his indescribable joy. It's an internal happiness that is truly contagious and a far reaching testament to his tried and true faith.
That being said, no matter what we are currently facing in our own tumultuous journeys, no matter how hard we try to make lemonade out of the lemons in our daily lives, we must never forget that someone is in charge. He knows what's good for us, by viewing in totality our "big picture," while many of us in crisis are only experiencing the immediate impacts of the moment.
It just so happened on this glorious spring morning, I noticed the ruby red-throated hummingbirds were no longer coming to their feeder. From a distance, the feeder looked absolutely normal and over half full. But once I meandered, up close and personal, I noticed the mixture, though still red in color, was stagnant with all kinds of nasty stuff floating throughout it. No wonder these fellas were avoiding it. It looked good and pleasing from afar, but once the birds tasted it, it must have been rank. Needless to say, I would not have touched it either.
I proceeded to empty all the spoiled contents, wash and clean it thoroughly and refill it with fresh hummingbird food. Within two minutes of re-hanging it, they were back, non stop; and are now happy once again. So it goes with our lives sometimes. We absolutely look fine from the outside, but inside, we have become stagnant and rank and in need of a good cleaning, washing and replenishing.
Remember the words of my truly tried and true special friend: "He's in charge." The mountains, along with seemingly immovable obstacles that are occasionally placed in our paths throughout the course of our lives maybe just what was needed to force us to pour out the "old" stuff that may have grown stale and complacent; and bring in the new stuff, filled with revitalized dreams and fresh visions, bursting with vitality and overflowing with expectation. As I've stated before and will state again: "While ye live to our Creator, prosperity and adversity, will be equally helpful to you" (1st Thessalonians 5:18).
Yet, when we're in the throes of crisis, it's hard to fathom and or accept these aforementioned words. We've done all that we know how to do; we've meditated and prayed long and hard for answers, all to no avail. We've pleaded through rivers of tears that His will be done, all the while wishfully hoping that His will aligns with ours. Yet, the answers have not come, or they've come in bits and pieces and or if they have come, they were not the answers we were hoping for.
Remember the Serenity Prayer, by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr: "God grant me the courage to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can: and the wisdom to know the difference." He is in charge of change too. Just look around us. The Earth is always in motion. The ebbs and flows of our lives are constantly in flux. To succeed, we must move with these changes and embrace them, look for the good in them and somehow find a way to leave the past behind.
In my own life, I am currently facing, by far, the most challenges I have ever experienced. I have been truly humbled beyond measure, broken, beat down and cast aside, by many who were in "my circle." Yet, I have not given up, nor have I quit. Because in the grand scheme of things, I believe He continues to be in charge, in spite of me and that's sufficiently more than enough.

Better to Walk with Friends who Limp, than to Count on Friends, Who have Never Limped at All

Better to Walk with Friends who Limp, than to Count on Friends, Who have Never Limped at All

“Those who limp are those who have been knocked down, beat up and learned from the experience; and got up a better person for the experience.  Those who have not been through such experiences are walking time bombs who do not realize that it can or will ever happen to them.  Thus their ways resemble proud and untouchable folks, who are missing so much of life because they cannot lower themselves to relate to most folks.”

I heard these aforementioned words today from my wise friend Paul, who also shared a story from a pastor, who found out who his true friends were, while facing his own calamities; for they too had already been through the throes of similar, if not equal distress, and walked uprightly with pronounced limps as reminders.

Those we deem as friends, continually persevere, even though they have been bruised, battered and broken by the events of their past. They can empathize with our current state for they have been through where we are now traveling and wear with honor, the well worn tee-shirts to prove it. 

Sadly enough, in the current trials and tribulations of my own life, I have discovered, just like the aforementioned pastor, those who have remained my cherished friends. They’re limping with me, expecting nothing in return, giving freely of themselves as we trudge down this well worn pathway, together; while others, whom we counted on over the years, have suddenly stopped communicating personally, as well as, in emails and phone calls, as though we have been declared unclean, infected by a plague.

The Golden Rule states: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Unfortunately this rule does not always apply, when we have nothing significant left to give. “What have you done for me lately” seems to be the question that replays over and over again, almost daily. As long as we were supporting, providing, enabling and rescuing those in need, they were there for us. But when our abundance of material resources dried up, through this ever so humbling recession, reluctantly, so did many of our “friendships.”

If one has never experienced the scars created by setbacks and loss, one will never truly appreciate the magnitude of hopelessness, along with the unwelcome feelings of helplessness that continually pound our mind like a storm tossed surf. Fortunately for me, there are a few who have, for they steadfastly limp along beside us, until we are able to walk unaided, sporting a pronounced limp, all our own.

What our “former” friends may not know is that giving involves far more than material things. Those of us, who have been blessed throughout our lives with the gift of giving; though our resources may be temporarily depleted, still give all we have as we are able; and includes, but is not limited to, the greatest and most priceless gift, the gift of prayer.

Bouncing and bubbling Charlie sent me a video this morning, called “I am one of the seven percent,” http://www.youtube.com/watch, which I would encourage everyone to take five minutes and watch. In it, you may witness, in your own life, a broader perspective of those in your circle, who unbeknownst to you may play a major role in helping you achieve your dreams.

Unfortunately, and or fortunately, whatever our case may be, we all need someone, either to hold our hand, embrace our hearts and or to challenge our minds to discover the wherewithal that makes us who we are; someone too, who steers us in the direction of our aspirations. It is not a sign of weakness to want or need to commensurate with another. It is a strength, that when drawn on, empowers us to excel in all we set our mind too.

I’ve found equally in professional circles, it’s best to engage those who also walk with a limp. They seem to have an unrequited hunger that sets them above the rest. My recent kindred spirit is Randy, whom I have enlisted to find “my market.” Spending a day with him last week, I learned that he too has experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows in his fifty plus years. He has started climbing the ladder once again and is close to reaching the top, albeit with a limp. Randy says rather humbly that “for all the bad he encountered along the way, he wouldn’t trade it for anything, because he is a much better person because of his life altering events.” Kudos’s to him.

We are all movers and shakers or we wouldn’t be where we are at this stage in our lives. Most of us got here because of people who believed in us, friendships that developed both, professionally and personally, through our journeys. Unfortunately and or again fortunately, when the road gets tough, the chaff has the propensity to be separated from the wheat. Those who continue to remain by our side are those of substance, refined grain, if you will and worthy of our utmost respect; while others, who are easily swayed by circumstances that no longer benefit them, have mysteriously disappeared.

Look to those who limp, within your inner circle, as I have and be thankful. They’re the ones who will be there for you and me when everyone else has abandoned our ship. Communicate often, say thank you frequently and without reservation, let them know you care. These friends are forever priceless. We can and will always count on them to be there for us. And they will be, limp and all.

Why Can't We Age Gracefully, Live Life Large and Die in our own Flower Beds?

Why Can’t We Age Gracefully, Live Life Large and Die in our own Flower Beds?

I was raised to believe when you see someone hurting or in need, you stop what you’re doing and help. It may be continuous one time events that cross our paths or it could be the occasional life altering one that inspires us to risk much in the hopes that we can make a lasting difference in the lives of others; changes that will inadvertently bless us in the process.

I remember, one such encounter over twenty years ago, with an elementary school teacher in my hometown that showcased the burdens struggling, working parents were having during the Christmas holidays. Children between the ages of 4 and 12 were falling between the cracks at Christmas because their parents were having a tough time making ends meet every day, let alone being able to splurge on gifts from “Santa.”

 We were fortunate with the help of my Rotary Club to establish a Santa’s Kids program that allowed individuals to adopt entire families to share their Christmas with. We dressed up as Santa’s helper’s and elves and delivered anonymously, reaping joy beyond measure while reinforcing the scripture, “it more blessed to give than receive.” Because giving is contagious, this program has continued to grow and thrive and reaches over 300 children, year after year.

The latest dream I have undertaken is to create a “not for profit” senior living campus that promotes actively living and thriving beyond the walls, rather than existing within them. Did you know that living, dining and thriving outside in the warming rays of the sun is Biblical based?  Ecclesiastes 11:7-8 states “Light is sweet and it pleases the eye to see the sun. However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.” 

My father in law suffered from early onset Dementia. His passion, besides his work, was gardening and in this he thrived long after retirement as long as he was able to be outdoors. As he aged far away from family, his need to be close necessitated his moving near us and into a very nice assisted living facility. As time passed, his opportunities to enjoy the outdoors became less and less. Within a year, he passed. Much can be debated as to why, but I firmly believe once his passions were stripped away, he went from living to existing to non-existing. Quality of life has to supersede quantity, does it not? We are not privileged to know the time of our exit from this earth, but I personally, would choose to go out in the middle of living life large, having fun and using every opportunity made available to me.

Closer still, within this same time frame, was my very vivacious and active sister who encountered a life altering illness that forced her indoors and stopped her ninety mile per minute lifestyle. Each time I visited her, you could see her regressing, knowing that life as she lived it had come to an abrupt halt. Her choice to live alone limited her ability to move freely outdoors without someone being there to assist. There was, however, one continuing bright spot that remained and that was the joy her flowers and bird feeders brought her, just beyond the walls. When we took her outside, she glowed by having the opportunity to tend them, up close and with a personal touch. 

In the world of today where all things are possible, why can’t we provide all who choose to do so, the ability to grow old with grace, embracing and enjoying all that life has to offer beyond the walls? This burden has become my quest and I have pledged my all to create such a facility where walls are no longer obstacles, but gateways to the world and the beauty of the landscape that lies beyond them. 

Many senior living properties today have beautiful, well maintained landscapes and ornately fenced memory gardens, yet I can count on one hand the number of residents I have ever seen using them.  Inviting landscapes have been created to attract those on the outside looking in, but not for those on the inside longing out.

According to Dr. John Zeisel, a sociologist and co-founder of Hearthstone Alzheimer Care, “time outdoors, an essential aspect of his Healing Gardens, affects the chiasmatic nuclei—the region of the brain that keeps time and regulates the body’s circadian rhythm.” He says sunlight affects the nuclei, helping patients capture a sense of season and time. In addition to helping regulate mood and sleep cycles, the gardens extend into daily life at his facilities. Staff members incorporate garden produce into cooking classes, and patients use flowers as props and inspiration in writing and painting classes. Thankfully, here is one doctor that gets it, as well.

Expounding on Dr. Zeisel’s props, I would want to consider opening up the campus seasonally, just on weekends, where our residents could show and sell what they grow, paint and create using their many talents. This too would be an opportunity to engage and socialize with the community, as well as actively contribute to it.

I have encountered countless arguments as to the additional liability and labor costs that would be required to operate such a facility. In an age of constant cutbacks and reimbursements, facilities today are struggling to maintain status quo on fewer and fewer dollars. I sense in my talks with many in the health care field, it is easier, safer and in the end more profitable to contain our seniors in a controlled indoor space, than to give them the freedom to thrive outdoors. 

My polling of residents, from Tennessee to South Carolina to Nova Scotia and beyond, if given the choice, would choose to live outdoors as much as possible. The number one detriment, according to various staff members of these same facilities, is when residents are outdoors no one wants to come back in.

Technology has advanced in the last few years to the point that we can safely and effectively provide residents an opportunity to thrive beyond the walls, using cameras, monitors and GPS tracking devises if necessary. Most staff members, I am sure, would relish the opportunity to rotate in and outdoors as well. We have within our grasp the ability to make it happen today.

 Studies show that proper diets, along with regular 30 minute walks, just three times per week enhances our overall quality of life, with our seniors receiving the most benefit.  Being outdoors just 10 minutes a day promotes production of Vitamin D, the anti-aging vitamin. If given the opportunity to spend your golden years actively outdoors as much as possible or in a quiet corner of a room or hallway, which would you, choose?

For me, again I choose living life large as long as I am able and when my time comes, let it be on a putting green with my “betters,” on a walking trail with my friends, in a garden of roses and hummingbirds with my children or beside a fishing hole with my grandchildren. That to me is living and thriving, not just existing and biding my time. 

Forgive me, but herein lies my dilemma. Over the last three years, financial institutions, along with the powers that be, have committed to our project, but as of late have been reluctant to jump all in, because I have yet to show them long term viability in light of today’s economy. We have provided an abundance of gardens, ponds stocked with fish, waterfalls and streams; over two miles of paved and gravel walking trails, greenhouses and twenty five landscaped acres on which to create such a senior living campus. What I’ve not been able to show them is how many other people, other than me and a few kindred spirits, would embrace living in such a facility.

 So here’s your chance to assist me like my Rotary Club did with my Santa’s Kids many years ago. Tell me if I’m dreaming too big a dream in light of our current economy. If we can make facilities like these safe and affordable, would they appeal to you or your parents? Would you embrace it as a place to age with grace and dignity, a place where you would welcome your friends and family and encourage them to actively participate with you in your activities? 

I would appreciate your comments, your feedback and most of all your prayers. People come together when given opportunities to be part of the greater good.  Email me at dhlakelover@yahoo.com.

 This dream is far bigger than me. If we can, by God’s grace, see it come to fruition based on your comments, hopefully other senior living properties in your own hometowns will consider expanding their services beyond the walls, as well. At some point in time during the course of our lives, we are now or will be, actively swimming up this stream together.

Dare to Dream Your Dreams

Have you found yourself in a valley pursuing another exclusive dream? It overwhelms me to consider how deep one man can go, when the world around us, says “give up, quit, stop digging; there is no way this will ever come true.”But our dreams continually do come true and in that is our hope.

 I have never failed to fulfill a dream which has required me to give my all and then some.  Don’t misunderstand; I am in no way boasting.  I have come close numerous times, yet God in His infinite mercy, continues to rescue me; humbly, in spite of myself. He provides the perfect circumstance to appear at just the right time to bring our awe inspiring dreams to fruition. Please make note; I said at just the right time, His time, not our time. Herein lies the secret between giving in to potential failure or staying the course and achieving success.

Henry David Thoreau once said:” Do not lose hold of your dreams or aspirations. For if you do, you may still exist but you have ceased to live.” Isn’t living, truly living what life is about?  We wake up each day with hope and expectation to experience a brighter day than yesterday. We dream of providing the best for our families, new and exciting job opportunities for ourselves, an overabundance of second chances and to experience love and  to be loved, unconditionally.

“You see things and say, why?’ But I dream things that never were: and I say ‘Why not?” as quoted by George Bernard Shaw. I too dream things that seem out of sight, seemingly unable to be grasped and expect great things, things which are often life-altering.  Our dreams can make a significant difference in the lives of others, positively impacting the recipient as well as the provider.

 This challenging year has not changed my ability to dream. I am approaching 2012 as an all inclusive game changer. Many of you can relate as we’ve designated this year as the one that will make or break us. Personally, I am too old to fail. The One who “has my back,” always has had my back. God continually looks past my “dumb stuff” and there has been and will be lots of “dumb stuff.” He sees within the very depth of my soul that my heart is true, my purpose unselfish and that these dreams to which I’ve pledged my all, important.

Remember as we carry out this quest to live and fulfill our dreams; God is there when we stumble and He is there when we fall. As a loving Father, He will catch us before our reality check; that rude, abrupt moment when we find ourselves suddenly and without notice, smashing to the ground, face first.

Albeit many times in the pursuit of our passions, we have gone far out of our way to stumble along blindly to the precipice. We tend to lose sight of the One who continually charts our course, through this venue we lovingly refer to as life. Imagine this, God cares about us, constantly without reservation; even in spite of our ever present predisposition to fail without notice. Thankfully He accepts us, not for who we are or ever will be, but because of who He is; abundant in marvelous mercy, abounding in unconditional love and overflowing in a most amazing grace.

I read a quote in Guideposts from Hannah Storm, a TV sportscaster: “Always remember no matter how many people say no, all you need to find is one single person to say yes. Just one person.”  Think of it, lifelong dreams being fulfilled because of the positive affirmation of just one individual; one solitary soul who has jumped aboard your bandwagon to affirm their overwhelming belief in you.
I can assure you of this one simple truth. If you believe in your dreams with all your heart, mind and soul, and they are not contrary to God’s Word or His will for you; He will supply this individual at just the right time. He will bring into our lives the person He has Himself chosen to share with us our enthusiasm in fulfilling our exclusive dreams.
God’s gift to us is the desire to dream big and wonderful things; and all the while providing us the necessary tools by which to achieve them. My gift to Him and for that matter, you, is to give Him my all and then some. For to Him who gave His all, through Jesus Christ His Son, He expects nothing less than our very best and that is in itself is enough.
As unworthy as we are, we are blessed to be counted among His children and more. With His marvelous, revealing power behind us, we are not to stop digging; we are not to give up in the pursuit of our present and lifelong dreams. Not because of who we are, but because of who He is and His ability to make our dreams come true and so much more.

A Father's Letter to His Son

This road of life you are now on has been filled with many twists and turns. You have experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows throughout your marvelous journey thus far. You have ventured far beyond the shore, more times than not, successfully. You have been blessed to experience first hand, the world, its people, its values, its successes and its failures.

You have been blessed with the fondest of memories that warm your heart and soul, memories that reflect the happiest of times through the carefree eyes of a child. Unfortunately too are memories that you see not as grand, for as you’ve grown, carefree gives way to the world you now see as a man.

You have succeeded beyond measure in many things. You may have come up short in just a few. You continually made those proud who love you. Take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back, take just a moment to glow and be thankful for the little things that make you who you are.

You have discovered through personal relationships what it means to love and be loved. You have unfortunately experienced with this love, both heartbreak and the sorrow of loss. You have relished in the opportunities to give with abandon and learned, ever so humbly, what is expected of you through the gracious art of receiving.

You have come to see that change, no matter how large or small, is inevitable, whether you like it or not. How you choose to accept it will forever define you and your happiness throughout your life. Living in the past may be the ideal, but living in the moment is reality and that my son is life.

No matter what you may wish would not have happened, when people and emotions are involved, unless you have walked long days in their shoes, their lives are not yours to judge. We all seek to be happy and we flee from rejection and pain. As you age, wisdom will follow and you’ll come to understand that true lasting happiness begins and ends within.

You have been taught from where your strength comes, where forgiveness begins and where joy abounds. You have been given through God’s grace, the wisdom to know you are precious in the eyes of the One who made you and can take comfort in the knowledge that He always has your back. If you will always call on Him for the little things, you will find in life through Him, there are no big things.

You live in a world that is constantly in motion. Stopping the world to get off, when things don’t go your way is not a luxury you will ever be privy too. The ebbs and flows of life remain in constant flux. Move with them, embrace them and you will always find your steps firm and your path made exceedingly clear.

With you, each new day creates an opportunity to reflect not on “the what if’s “of yesterday, but to embrace and cherish the moment of today; to relish in the hope that tomorrow a brighter day may bring. Second chances too will come your way, but it’s best to seize this time, this place, this second and do what’s right today.

In you is the future. In you there is hope. You are our child. Whether we live together or apart, our hearts and our prayers go with you each and every day. We long to grow old with you in our lives, filling us with joy as we watch your dreams come true.

My wish for you today is to remember where you came from and the values you were taught. In you we haven given our all, in spite of what you may think, that you may have all the tools necessary to succeed in this life and the knowledge and wisdom to discard the rest.

Finally, I pray you will look beyond our shortcomings and forgive where forgiveness is due. We’re not perfect as you well know; nor will we ever be. I ask for you to cherish the good in me that makes me who I am and look beyond that which disappoints you that you may find in me, not just a parent, but a friend.