Why Can't We Age Gracefully, Live Life Large and Die in our own Flower Beds?

Why Can’t We Age Gracefully, Live Life Large and Die in our own Flower Beds?

I was raised to believe when you see someone hurting or in need, you stop what you’re doing and help. It may be continuous one time events that cross our paths or it could be the occasional life altering one that inspires us to risk much in the hopes that we can make a lasting difference in the lives of others; changes that will inadvertently bless us in the process.

I remember, one such encounter over twenty years ago, with an elementary school teacher in my hometown that showcased the burdens struggling, working parents were having during the Christmas holidays. Children between the ages of 4 and 12 were falling between the cracks at Christmas because their parents were having a tough time making ends meet every day, let alone being able to splurge on gifts from “Santa.”

 We were fortunate with the help of my Rotary Club to establish a Santa’s Kids program that allowed individuals to adopt entire families to share their Christmas with. We dressed up as Santa’s helper’s and elves and delivered anonymously, reaping joy beyond measure while reinforcing the scripture, “it more blessed to give than receive.” Because giving is contagious, this program has continued to grow and thrive and reaches over 300 children, year after year.

The latest dream I have undertaken is to create a “not for profit” senior living campus that promotes actively living and thriving beyond the walls, rather than existing within them. Did you know that living, dining and thriving outside in the warming rays of the sun is Biblical based?  Ecclesiastes 11:7-8 states “Light is sweet and it pleases the eye to see the sun. However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.” 

My father in law suffered from early onset Dementia. His passion, besides his work, was gardening and in this he thrived long after retirement as long as he was able to be outdoors. As he aged far away from family, his need to be close necessitated his moving near us and into a very nice assisted living facility. As time passed, his opportunities to enjoy the outdoors became less and less. Within a year, he passed. Much can be debated as to why, but I firmly believe once his passions were stripped away, he went from living to existing to non-existing. Quality of life has to supersede quantity, does it not? We are not privileged to know the time of our exit from this earth, but I personally, would choose to go out in the middle of living life large, having fun and using every opportunity made available to me.

Closer still, within this same time frame, was my very vivacious and active sister who encountered a life altering illness that forced her indoors and stopped her ninety mile per minute lifestyle. Each time I visited her, you could see her regressing, knowing that life as she lived it had come to an abrupt halt. Her choice to live alone limited her ability to move freely outdoors without someone being there to assist. There was, however, one continuing bright spot that remained and that was the joy her flowers and bird feeders brought her, just beyond the walls. When we took her outside, she glowed by having the opportunity to tend them, up close and with a personal touch. 

In the world of today where all things are possible, why can’t we provide all who choose to do so, the ability to grow old with grace, embracing and enjoying all that life has to offer beyond the walls? This burden has become my quest and I have pledged my all to create such a facility where walls are no longer obstacles, but gateways to the world and the beauty of the landscape that lies beyond them. 

Many senior living properties today have beautiful, well maintained landscapes and ornately fenced memory gardens, yet I can count on one hand the number of residents I have ever seen using them.  Inviting landscapes have been created to attract those on the outside looking in, but not for those on the inside longing out.

According to Dr. John Zeisel, a sociologist and co-founder of Hearthstone Alzheimer Care, “time outdoors, an essential aspect of his Healing Gardens, affects the chiasmatic nuclei—the region of the brain that keeps time and regulates the body’s circadian rhythm.” He says sunlight affects the nuclei, helping patients capture a sense of season and time. In addition to helping regulate mood and sleep cycles, the gardens extend into daily life at his facilities. Staff members incorporate garden produce into cooking classes, and patients use flowers as props and inspiration in writing and painting classes. Thankfully, here is one doctor that gets it, as well.

Expounding on Dr. Zeisel’s props, I would want to consider opening up the campus seasonally, just on weekends, where our residents could show and sell what they grow, paint and create using their many talents. This too would be an opportunity to engage and socialize with the community, as well as actively contribute to it.

I have encountered countless arguments as to the additional liability and labor costs that would be required to operate such a facility. In an age of constant cutbacks and reimbursements, facilities today are struggling to maintain status quo on fewer and fewer dollars. I sense in my talks with many in the health care field, it is easier, safer and in the end more profitable to contain our seniors in a controlled indoor space, than to give them the freedom to thrive outdoors. 

My polling of residents, from Tennessee to South Carolina to Nova Scotia and beyond, if given the choice, would choose to live outdoors as much as possible. The number one detriment, according to various staff members of these same facilities, is when residents are outdoors no one wants to come back in.

Technology has advanced in the last few years to the point that we can safely and effectively provide residents an opportunity to thrive beyond the walls, using cameras, monitors and GPS tracking devises if necessary. Most staff members, I am sure, would relish the opportunity to rotate in and outdoors as well. We have within our grasp the ability to make it happen today.

 Studies show that proper diets, along with regular 30 minute walks, just three times per week enhances our overall quality of life, with our seniors receiving the most benefit.  Being outdoors just 10 minutes a day promotes production of Vitamin D, the anti-aging vitamin. If given the opportunity to spend your golden years actively outdoors as much as possible or in a quiet corner of a room or hallway, which would you, choose?

For me, again I choose living life large as long as I am able and when my time comes, let it be on a putting green with my “betters,” on a walking trail with my friends, in a garden of roses and hummingbirds with my children or beside a fishing hole with my grandchildren. That to me is living and thriving, not just existing and biding my time. 

Forgive me, but herein lies my dilemma. Over the last three years, financial institutions, along with the powers that be, have committed to our project, but as of late have been reluctant to jump all in, because I have yet to show them long term viability in light of today’s economy. We have provided an abundance of gardens, ponds stocked with fish, waterfalls and streams; over two miles of paved and gravel walking trails, greenhouses and twenty five landscaped acres on which to create such a senior living campus. What I’ve not been able to show them is how many other people, other than me and a few kindred spirits, would embrace living in such a facility.

 So here’s your chance to assist me like my Rotary Club did with my Santa’s Kids many years ago. Tell me if I’m dreaming too big a dream in light of our current economy. If we can make facilities like these safe and affordable, would they appeal to you or your parents? Would you embrace it as a place to age with grace and dignity, a place where you would welcome your friends and family and encourage them to actively participate with you in your activities? 

I would appreciate your comments, your feedback and most of all your prayers. People come together when given opportunities to be part of the greater good.  Email me at dhlakelover@yahoo.com.

 This dream is far bigger than me. If we can, by God’s grace, see it come to fruition based on your comments, hopefully other senior living properties in your own hometowns will consider expanding their services beyond the walls, as well. At some point in time during the course of our lives, we are now or will be, actively swimming up this stream together.

Dare to Dream Your Dreams

Have you found yourself in a valley pursuing another exclusive dream? It overwhelms me to consider how deep one man can go, when the world around us, says “give up, quit, stop digging; there is no way this will ever come true.”But our dreams continually do come true and in that is our hope.

 I have never failed to fulfill a dream which has required me to give my all and then some.  Don’t misunderstand; I am in no way boasting.  I have come close numerous times, yet God in His infinite mercy, continues to rescue me; humbly, in spite of myself. He provides the perfect circumstance to appear at just the right time to bring our awe inspiring dreams to fruition. Please make note; I said at just the right time, His time, not our time. Herein lies the secret between giving in to potential failure or staying the course and achieving success.

Henry David Thoreau once said:” Do not lose hold of your dreams or aspirations. For if you do, you may still exist but you have ceased to live.” Isn’t living, truly living what life is about?  We wake up each day with hope and expectation to experience a brighter day than yesterday. We dream of providing the best for our families, new and exciting job opportunities for ourselves, an overabundance of second chances and to experience love and  to be loved, unconditionally.

“You see things and say, why?’ But I dream things that never were: and I say ‘Why not?” as quoted by George Bernard Shaw. I too dream things that seem out of sight, seemingly unable to be grasped and expect great things, things which are often life-altering.  Our dreams can make a significant difference in the lives of others, positively impacting the recipient as well as the provider.

 This challenging year has not changed my ability to dream. I am approaching 2012 as an all inclusive game changer. Many of you can relate as we’ve designated this year as the one that will make or break us. Personally, I am too old to fail. The One who “has my back,” always has had my back. God continually looks past my “dumb stuff” and there has been and will be lots of “dumb stuff.” He sees within the very depth of my soul that my heart is true, my purpose unselfish and that these dreams to which I’ve pledged my all, important.

Remember as we carry out this quest to live and fulfill our dreams; God is there when we stumble and He is there when we fall. As a loving Father, He will catch us before our reality check; that rude, abrupt moment when we find ourselves suddenly and without notice, smashing to the ground, face first.

Albeit many times in the pursuit of our passions, we have gone far out of our way to stumble along blindly to the precipice. We tend to lose sight of the One who continually charts our course, through this venue we lovingly refer to as life. Imagine this, God cares about us, constantly without reservation; even in spite of our ever present predisposition to fail without notice. Thankfully He accepts us, not for who we are or ever will be, but because of who He is; abundant in marvelous mercy, abounding in unconditional love and overflowing in a most amazing grace.

I read a quote in Guideposts from Hannah Storm, a TV sportscaster: “Always remember no matter how many people say no, all you need to find is one single person to say yes. Just one person.”  Think of it, lifelong dreams being fulfilled because of the positive affirmation of just one individual; one solitary soul who has jumped aboard your bandwagon to affirm their overwhelming belief in you.
I can assure you of this one simple truth. If you believe in your dreams with all your heart, mind and soul, and they are not contrary to God’s Word or His will for you; He will supply this individual at just the right time. He will bring into our lives the person He has Himself chosen to share with us our enthusiasm in fulfilling our exclusive dreams.
God’s gift to us is the desire to dream big and wonderful things; and all the while providing us the necessary tools by which to achieve them. My gift to Him and for that matter, you, is to give Him my all and then some. For to Him who gave His all, through Jesus Christ His Son, He expects nothing less than our very best and that is in itself is enough.
As unworthy as we are, we are blessed to be counted among His children and more. With His marvelous, revealing power behind us, we are not to stop digging; we are not to give up in the pursuit of our present and lifelong dreams. Not because of who we are, but because of who He is and His ability to make our dreams come true and so much more.

A Father's Letter to His Son

This road of life you are now on has been filled with many twists and turns. You have experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows throughout your marvelous journey thus far. You have ventured far beyond the shore, more times than not, successfully. You have been blessed to experience first hand, the world, its people, its values, its successes and its failures.

You have been blessed with the fondest of memories that warm your heart and soul, memories that reflect the happiest of times through the carefree eyes of a child. Unfortunately too are memories that you see not as grand, for as you’ve grown, carefree gives way to the world you now see as a man.

You have succeeded beyond measure in many things. You may have come up short in just a few. You continually made those proud who love you. Take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back, take just a moment to glow and be thankful for the little things that make you who you are.

You have discovered through personal relationships what it means to love and be loved. You have unfortunately experienced with this love, both heartbreak and the sorrow of loss. You have relished in the opportunities to give with abandon and learned, ever so humbly, what is expected of you through the gracious art of receiving.

You have come to see that change, no matter how large or small, is inevitable, whether you like it or not. How you choose to accept it will forever define you and your happiness throughout your life. Living in the past may be the ideal, but living in the moment is reality and that my son is life.

No matter what you may wish would not have happened, when people and emotions are involved, unless you have walked long days in their shoes, their lives are not yours to judge. We all seek to be happy and we flee from rejection and pain. As you age, wisdom will follow and you’ll come to understand that true lasting happiness begins and ends within.

You have been taught from where your strength comes, where forgiveness begins and where joy abounds. You have been given through God’s grace, the wisdom to know you are precious in the eyes of the One who made you and can take comfort in the knowledge that He always has your back. If you will always call on Him for the little things, you will find in life through Him, there are no big things.

You live in a world that is constantly in motion. Stopping the world to get off, when things don’t go your way is not a luxury you will ever be privy too. The ebbs and flows of life remain in constant flux. Move with them, embrace them and you will always find your steps firm and your path made exceedingly clear.

With you, each new day creates an opportunity to reflect not on “the what if’s “of yesterday, but to embrace and cherish the moment of today; to relish in the hope that tomorrow a brighter day may bring. Second chances too will come your way, but it’s best to seize this time, this place, this second and do what’s right today.

In you is the future. In you there is hope. You are our child. Whether we live together or apart, our hearts and our prayers go with you each and every day. We long to grow old with you in our lives, filling us with joy as we watch your dreams come true.

My wish for you today is to remember where you came from and the values you were taught. In you we haven given our all, in spite of what you may think, that you may have all the tools necessary to succeed in this life and the knowledge and wisdom to discard the rest.

Finally, I pray you will look beyond our shortcomings and forgive where forgiveness is due. We’re not perfect as you well know; nor will we ever be. I ask for you to cherish the good in me that makes me who I am and look beyond that which disappoints you that you may find in me, not just a parent, but a friend.

Living by a lake in the mountains of Tennessee, I woke up before dawn to see the fog begin to form across the waters, rising up through the valley, until we were completely enshrouded. And just as quickly as it came, the Sun appeared. Its brilliant illuminating rays burned through it immediately, vaporizing it right before my eyes.

So it is with our Christian walk through this life. The tempest comes and clouds our thoughts and minds. Our direction is obscured and suddenly we have lost our way. Yet all is not lost.

Praying for the Son to appear brings us into His immediate presence and the clouds are rolled away. Everything once obscured, is now made visible. The darkened obstacles we have encountered, ever so briefly, have been illuminated. The path has been made clear, the way we should go has been provided.

Prayer does that. When coupled with faith, all things are possible. The soothing presence of the Son brings clarity to our lives, giving us Hope and Direction and Purpose. Praise God for His most desirable gift in Jesus Christ, His Son the Illuminator.