Goin for the Gold in Sochi

Sochi has suddenly become a word, synonymous with greed, corruption, bribery and ineptness. What did you expect, it’s Russia? Can a leopard change its spots? Can a nymphomaniac regain her virginity? Can Vladimir Putin suddenly become as pure as the driven snow? Uh, never mind, sometimes my brain wanders when we know beyond a reasonable doubt what’s going to happen, yet we hope beyond hope it won’t.
    Therefore, I’m asking all who read this to join me in going for the Gold in Sochi. I’ve put in a request to Fed Ex and UPS to have planes waiting to deliver essential items  to all the non-Russians in Sochi. Desperately needed are gold shower curtains, gold towels, gold pillows and most importantly gold porta-potties that will accept ( excuse me ) toilet paper. I am humbly requesting everyone in Tennessee, we are the Volunteer State, as well as others, across our great land, to please drop off any and or all of these aforementioned necessities that you may have lying around, to your nearest Fed Ex or UPS store.
    We need bottled water too and lot’s of it. The gold colored water provided by the hosts may be a nice gesture on their part ( they mostly drink vodka anyway), but I’m sure it’s probably laced with laxatives and other scary things to even the playing field with the very best of the West. 
    I mean, come on, can you imagine our bobsled team having to sit for long periods of time, under the possible influence of Montezuma’s revenge without the comforting thought that a charmin roll was just within reach. The integrity of this years Winter’s Olympics is at stake here for everyone, other than the Russians, because of the deprivation of these western expected necessities.
    Oh, and we need gold digital movie cameras, a rather long, gold embossed telegraph wire stretched back to the good old U.S. of A and Golden Eagles trained as carrier pigeons, that can duck AA on their way out of Sochi. I’m sure everyone, from Olympian to cameraman is being hacked, duh, it’s Russia. The former head of the KGB is running this no show and all tell, we should expect, no less.
    I’m sure Tennesseans will rise to this challenge. Americans everywhere will follow as we load plane after plane with all these taken for granted here, necessities. And to insure this 54 billion dollar debacle does not succeed in winning the home country, the majority of gold medals, we probably need to send a few thousand pairs of name brand blue jeans and tennis shoes too.
    It’s Russia, what would you expect? Their society is built on graft, that’s how things work and only how things work. With everyone looking the other way at all times, it’s how business is done. Rarely, is anyone ever prosecuted because there, because  witnesses do not come forward.
     It happens here too, I know, just ask a former New Orleans Mayor, currently using the same argument as his defense.
    I digress. In all sincerity, let’s do this, let’s go for the gold together and show our athlete’s how proud we are of their efforts and commitments to be the best our country has to offer. Is it to much to ask us to sacrifice so little, when so much is at stake?
    Yes, it’s troubling when a plan doesn’t come together. It’s even more troubling to know that the power’s that be who selected Sochi, knew long before hand that it was all a pipe dream. The runner ups, Austria and South Korea, along with everyone from the West are all losers here. Hoping for hopes sake is not enough, especially when dealing with the history of Russia and their business practices and Vladimir Putin.